Eggshell

Boo life! I congratulated a friend of mine for getting accepted into the program that I wanted. Getting accepted means you are trained and guaranteed a job for at least 3 years with Cisco. I'm happy for him, but goddamnit, I should have been chosen too. Besides getting my dream job, the money would have been awesome. I know I could've gotten the job, but I feel like I sabotaged myself.

I get too complacent, and I ruin good opportunities. I'm honestly surprised that I ever got that internship and moved to North Carolina. I hated working at Family Video, but didn't quit to look for something better. How many classes have I let go to shit just because I got lazy? I should have graduated two fucking years ago!

Now onto meeting new people... Such a hassle! I'm always reluctant to meet someone new. I ejoy the way I can be with my current friends, and it takes a while for me to get to that level with someone. I usually try to feel out their personality and sense of humor before I make jokes around someone new. Regardless of the person I can generally get along with anyone; whether or not I'd elect to spend time with them over sitting alone staring at a wall is another story. I almost never have the desire to meet someone new, so unless circumstances force me to, I don't.

I most often meet a new person through a friend, and I do often try to avoid this since I never want to meet someone just for the sake of meeting them. But when it does happen, I do try to be sociable (unless the person is unbelievably bothersome) and assume that I will never or seldomly interact with the person again. If I start to see this person regularly enough to let my guard down, I generally see this as a personal victory against my introvertive nature.

Almost as unwelcome as the hassle of meeting people, is the balancing of many friends who don't aren't all friends of each other. I don't like to have to think about who gets along with who, I hate that drama. Not to mention how much time and effort it takes to maintain relationships. When you haven't seen a friend in a while, you start to wonder about them and actively try to get together. If I only have a few friends that I see regularly, I never have to wory about those shenanigans. Basically, the more friends I have, the more time I spend trying to see them all and keep everyone happy, which in turn makes me less happy.

So all of the above nonsense is to illustrate why I hate it so much when I go through the trouble to befriend someone because of my friends, and then they turn around and make it a hassle to include said person. I just wasted all of that time and energy on this fucking person, just to have to ignore them? Goddamnit! In the future don't invite someone to be part of a regular gathering, which make me feel obligated to get to know them, and then change your mind. I hate it! It inconveniences me. At least change your mind before it reaches the point that I care.

And while I'm whining:
Bowling makes my middle finger swell up.
I want Doug to hurry up and draw that picture.
Sang should hurry up and get some internets.
I hate typing on this stupid laptop keyboard.
My Disgaea 2 disc is scratched.
I have to drive to Grand Rapids for class.
I hate the smell of cigarette smoke, and get angry when my clothes absorb it.
Cheese is too expensive.
Parker Brothers doesn't make Boggle Master anymore.
Shauna's owls are too adorable.
The tapioca pudding I was excited about didn't set right.
My neck hurts from sitting in this position for so long.
whine, whine, whine, etc...